Well, now. It sure has been a while.
And holy toledo Batman- the things that have been going on in our hearts these last six weeks are hard to explain right now.
We have been all over the board with our emotions and I have never been so thankful for friends with open hearts and minds to listen and love us well. Never.
Via text message:
Me: I’m having a mini-crisis…can’t think
Friend: Wanna come over? I’m craving an icee and will grab us both one.
And with a frozen tongue I ramble for twenty uninterrupted minutes to a friend who has been giving herself to others all day- pouring out my fears and questions. And we decide together, that things have to look a certain way for Chris and I to have peace about moving forward with any adoption- this one or the ones after it.
Not “certain” in a controlling paranoid-about-adopting way. But “certain” in a trying-to-make-ethical-decisions kind of way. “Certain” in a don’t-become-part-of-the-problem kind of way.
(my vagueness here is purposeful- I apologize if it’s confusing)
We turned my fears over and over, weighing their merit. Deciding they were legitimate, we prayed for a very specific situation.
Friends, God answered this prayer very specifically. Very. Very specifically.
God crumpled our fear and uncertainty like a piece of tissue paper, and tossed it in the trash. Not to say that there aren’t new ones…oh, there are new ones. But, I am amazed at His provision.
And not just over this mid-adoption-crisis. But, the people in our life right now.
This past couple of Wednesday nights at our community group from church, I’ve felt pretty humbled at the big family we’ve been given for this moment in our life. We share food. We teach each other. We are loud (okay- sometimes it’s really too loud). We are struggling. We are finding out the truth of things. We tell inappropriate jokes. We cuddle each other’s babies. We hurt each other and apologize. We sing together. We are everywhere, from here to China. We say the hard things. We go to adult skate night (don’t judge). We drive each other to the airport. We wash each other’s dishes. We use each others washing machines. We share office space. We are protective of each other. We send snarky text messages. We buy an extra icee when someone has a mini-crisis. These things make us a family.
How dare we be anxious about anything? I mean that in an entirely rhetorical way (even though it’s the truth). We will continue to be, while we try not to be (that’s also just the plain truth).
On another note, my mom gave us the only-in-my-dreams baby carrier a few weeks ago and I’ve been testing it out. Works great.