We have waited for this day for two years. Almost exactly two years.
Why so long?
Well, we switched agencies twice which slowed things down a little.
But mostly- it was fear. Stupid keeps-my-feet-nailed-to-the-floor fear.
For most of that time, I genuinely expected a social worker to take one look at our paper-work and decide we weren’t fit to be parents. And if it wasn’t then, it’d be the moment they stepped into our house or interviewed us.
Our biographies, history and family trees are a bit extensive. We’ve been through quite a lot in our eight years of marriage. It took us over eight months just to fully answer all the questions in our home study paperwork so that stack of papers is pretty dense and it was difficult to hand over.
After answering all the questions on paper, we knew what the interviews would be about. But, our nerves were still a bit out of control. I had to remind myself every .0004 seconds that God had orchestrated the timing on all of this. And while that doesn’t guarantee any sort of outcome, we are certain that we are supposed to be engaged in an adoption process. Each step is one of obedience.
Our January 20th appointment had been set for over a month and if we hadn’t been so busy, I’d say it was excruciating. But, between Christmas, implementing our new business plan for 2012, meeting our new clients and adjusting to some new projects- we’ve barely had time to think too much about it. That was probably a really great thing for us, until the week of. Because the week of, specifically the 24 hours before our interview, were b-a-n-a-n-a-s.
I won’t go into details but our friends moved to Asia the same day as our home study and I took the day off work so the 24 hours before our interview began with wrapping-up a short week at the office and planning a going-away service for our friends. It ended with me burying my face in our bed crying (surprise, surprise) while Chris tried to console me wearing orange cleaning gloves, toilet brush in-hand.
It’s okay if you’re laughing.
I wasn’t crying about the home study specifically. By that point, I had let go. I had decided that a layer of dust wasn’t going to prevent us from having a baby and realized that our social worker already knew everything there was to know. But, I had taken too much medication earlier in the day and felt horrible. So horrible, I couldn’t help Chris get the house picked up. I was so tired I could barely move. They were tears of exhaustion and frustration.
After convincing him to go to bed and wake up early with me to vacuum and dust, Chris didn’t sleep at all. The poor guy laid in bed next to me for five hours and then got up at 6am to help me clean.
We were in really rough shape. And we’d waited for this day for two years.
When our social worker walked in the door and pulled out our paperwork, two years of nervousness began to chip away.
“There’s a lot here. We have a lot to talk about. I think we’ll only get started today and we can finish another time.”
And as I tried to hide my anxiety, she told us both not to be nervous. That we had nothing in the world to be worried about. And it was smooth sailing from there.
Chris was a rockstar. I listened to him share his heart for adoption and how God has moved him towards fatherhood. He talked about all the things we’re learning about parenting, adoption and all the things we want and expect to learn. I wondered if she was used to the men in these interviews being so engaged and knowledgable.
Our social worker is wonderful. She’s funny, compassionate about our stories, laid back and honest. I am so thankful we found her.
After three hours of talking, we said our goodbyes. The peace that came is indescribable.
Although we still have three more hours of interviewing, I am so relieved. This has been something we’ve feared and lost sleep over. Something we played out in our heads hundreds of times. And it couldn’t have gone better.